Of Flared Nostrils and Platonic Smoochies
by PissWithInk
Summary: Marius doesn't know how to kiss. He goes to Courfeyrac for help. It turns out how you expect something like this to turn out (maybe). Oneshot. Modern AU. Contains possible slashy elements. Don't take this too seriously. Be warned.


"COURFEYRAC!" Marius yells as he bursts into his friend's bedroom with a melodramatic air about him.

Courfeyrac's lying on his bed, and he stops in mid air-drum when he sees (and hears) Marius in his frazzled state. Both boys have their brows furrowed and their eyes wide, albeit for completely different reasons. Marius breathes heavily and just stares at Courfeyrac for a long time. Courfeyrac sits up and stares back for an equally long amount of time. There's a lot of staring for a while and Courfeyrac isn't exactly sure why.

"What is it today?" he finally asks, realizing that if he left it to Marius to break the silence, they'd be there for hours. Marius takes his head in his hands and paces around the room a couple of times (as if mulling over an impossibly difficult matter of life or death) before he finally tilts his heads towards the heavens. And from his being, a great whine shudders out. Courfeyrac almost laughs, but he catches himself before he does so. He doesn't want to accidentally hurt Marius' feelings again.

"Remember to use your words," he says when the urge to laugh passes. He tries to guess what has Marius so troubled. But, knowing Marius and his tendencies to overreact, it really could really be anything. Just last week, he began inappropriately quoting Romeo and Juliet when he discovered Cosette's name was, in fact, not Ursula.

The resurfacing memory of Marius reciting Juliet's _"What's in a name?"_ soliloquy ontop of the way his nostrils are flaring (as they usually do when he is deeply impassioned) makes Courfeyrac smile something fierce.

Marius, meanwhile, is still pacing the floor. His face is contorted with the most sublime anguish. Courfeyrac thinks that it's kind of adorable, and the first whispers of a smile begin to creep unnoticed on his lips. Suddenly, Marius stops moving and looks straight at Courfeyrac, and it's so steely that it's almost accusatory. Courfeyrac is taken off guard by the sudden shift.

"How do I girls?" Marius asks with a profound gravity.

"... Excuse me?"

"— !"

"Oh, Marius, come here."

Marius tries to sigh but it comes out like more of a whimper. He walks to Courfeyrac's bed and plops down beside him, head hung. Courfeyrac can't bear seeing any of his friends (especially Marius) in such a state, so he warmly wraps an arm around Marius' shoulders, hoping the friendly contact will lighten his mood a little.

"Start at the beginning, Marius."

Marius inhales. Deeply. Very deeply. Courfeyrac worries.

"It's Cosette. I was with her earlier today and we were sitting in her backyard together, and I was, um, bravely sliding my hand towards hers when I noticed that she started leaning in towards me, so I thought _oh no, she probably wants to kiss me! What do I do? I don't know what to do! Do I want to kiss her back? Are we going too fast? All I wanted was to hold her hand and now she's leaning in for a kiss and her lips are right there and I just found out what her name was last week and oh no those are her lips and they're right there and oh no I can't do this_ and that's when I got up and told her I had to leave and I ran here and now here I am and I came to you because I know you have experience with this sort of thing and I don't have experience with this sort of thing and I don't even know what I'm doing and I've never kissed a girl before and how do you kiss a girl without looking like a complete idiot?!"

While Marius was talking, his speech gradually grew faster and faster. By the end, Courfeyrac could hardly distinguish a single word.

But he does distinguish one thing.

"Wait," Courfeyrac starts to say slowly, taking time to process the hefty chuck of exposition that had just been dropped on him, "you're telling me you've never kissed a girl before?"

Upon hearing this, Marius suddenly tears himself from Courfeyrac's arm and hastily removes himself from the bed.

"Are you making fun of me?!" Marius says, deeply offended. Courfeyrac curses Marius' rash nature and gently reaches his hand up to take his arm.

"No, of course not," Courfeyrac says sweetly, trying to stop Marius from leaving. He swears, if he had a nickle every time this happened...

Marius blinks a few times before sitting back down on the bed. The look he gives Courfeyrac is genuinely apologetic. Courfeyrac returns the gesture and places a hand on his shoulder.

"No," Marius says more calmly, "I've never kissed a girl before. And I don't know how. And I don't want my first kiss with Cosette to be horrible. She's too special for that."

The words float in the air for a while. Courfeyrac gets the impression that this is perhaps the first time Marius has ever said something of that nature about Cosette. Courfeyrac smiles softly.

"You really like her." It's more of a statement than a question. Marius nods slowly but earnesetly.

"Well then," Courfeyrac says, patting Marius with the hand he has on his shoulder, "you've come to the right guy. You're learning from the best, here." Marius peeks out from under his slouch and there's such elation in his face. He's about to bless Courfeyrac with a thousand thanks when Courfeyrac presses a finger to Marius' surprised lips to sush him.

"Now, I need you to follow my instructions quickly and precisely. Can you do that?"

Courfeyrac's fingers are still on his lips. He only lifts them when Marius nods.

"Okay. Sit up. Turn your head this way; face me."

Marius complies. Courfeyrac scrutinizes.

"Lift your chip up a bit. Tilt your head to the right slightly. No, not your right, my right. No, my other right. There we go," Courfeyrac says after he's studied Marius' facial structure (and how it would fit with another's facial structure) for a few moments. Marius diligently does as told. Courfeyrac grins.

"Lean your head forwards a smidge. Pucker your lips. No, not that much, Marius. Yes, like that. Now, close your eyes. Are they closed?"

Marius nods.

"Good."

Courfeyrac leans in and softly presses his lips onto Marius'.

Marius' nostrils flare.


End file.
